Putting the Fun back into Metal with Steel Panther

Only heathens don’t like at least one of the 753 different genres of Metal. Only sad-sack religious zombies and evil politician types don’t like to have fun. And Communists. And only those too in denial to admit man’s folly, and too weak to stomach the horrors of history we created, could deny that back in the ’80s, “Hair Metal” ruled the charts supreme.

If it horrifies you to think that we possibly face a comeback of “Hair Metal”, rest assured that bands like Steel Panther will keep you laughing through the tears. While actually playing some pretty decent music (as far as that genre goes), they are an absolute crackup to listen to. If you like comedy music like The Lonely Island’s “Jizz In My Pants”, you’ll love these guys, even if that ’80s style of melodic metal makes you retch. Complete with pouts and spandex, these guys are all about tradition, ie: Sex, Drugs and Rock’n’Roll.

While songs like “Asian Hooker” are pretty much in your face, other songs from this Californian “Hair Metal” parody band have a much more subtle approach. Check out this snippet of their awesome love power-ballad “Community Property” and you’ll see what I mean. It seems to be the a classic soppy Metal love song worthy of the top of the charts back in the day, until you get to the last line (which explains the strange title). Here are the opening lines of that song, to give you a sample of their whacky lyrics:

I would give you the stars in the sky
But they´re too far away
If you were a hooker you´d know
I´d be happy to pay
If suddenly you were a guy
I´d be suddenly gay

Anyway, check out the clip – it’s just one chorus – and if you want to have a good laugh, listen to their 2009 album “Feel The Steel“. But any scaredy little pussies reading this – you know, those annoying easily-offended holier-than-thou cretins the rest of us want to strangle – please don’t listen to them if you’re likely to give yourself an aneurysm hearing “offensive” (that word is so subjective) material mostly related to the acquiring of female genitalia. It would break my little heart if something were to happen to your punk bitch ass. (Die! Die!! DIE!!!)

Steel Panther

Raise the Metal fist! OzzyFrank


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